Is It Possible to Have an Amicable Divorce?
It is difficult to imagine a divorce where both parties are feeling content. The harsh reality is that divorcing couples are often at odds, and the process can be rife with conflict. It’s not uncommon for one or both spouses to feel betrayed by their soon-to-be exes, which could lead to an adversarial relationship even after the divorce has been finalized. But it IS possible for divorcing couples to have an amicable split. The benefits that divorcing spouses can expect to see if they proceed with an amicable divorce are unmistakable. In this blog post, we’ll discuss how to proceed with an amicable divorce so that you can move on from this ordeal and look to the future.
Two Paths to Choose From
If you’ve made the difficult decision to proceed with a divorce, you now face a choice that will dictate how the legal proceedings will play out. Do you want your divorce to be drawn out, costly and filled with hostility, or would you rather try and resolve the divorce in a level-headed manner with the future in mind? The latter is what an amicable divorce is all about, and it is a sensible option for all involved.
There may not be a correct way to get divorced, and the choice is yours to make, but an amicable divorce is certainly the better way to get divorced for various reasons. But before getting into these benefits, we need to discuss what exactly an amicable divorce is?
What Is an Amicable Divorce?
An amicable divorce is what happens when divorcing spouses work together to come up with a plan that would be mutually beneficial. It is a much less stressful type of divorce for all parties involved because spouses do not have to haggle over finances, property or custody in court as an agreement has been reached already. Amicable divorces happen when both parties have good intentions and want what is best for themselves, their children and their finances. This allows for an easy transition from one life stage to another without unnecessary tension or hostility between two people who once shared a home.
Keep in mind that an amicable divorce does not mean that both parties need to like each other. Rather, it simply means that the parties are working together to avoid going to court and fighting over the marital assets and the kids (if applicable). It is an exercise in maturity that looks at the bigger picture, and what you can expect to get out of it is well worth it.
What Are the Benefits That You Can Look Forward to From an Amicable Divorce?
There are numerous benefits to getting an amicable divorce. Consider the following:
It is especially advantageous for kids
If you are getting divorced and there are kids in the picture, an amicable divorce is the best option. Children do not like to see their parents fighting. This exponentially gets worse when it is done in the context of a heated divorce in court. By choosing to get an amicable divorce, you can ensure that your kids will not be dragged into the middle of the fighting and be left to deal with any animosity between you and your ex-spouse.
By eliminating a lot of the stress of a contentious divorce, you and your ex-spouse can be in a position to reduce the pain and sadness your kids will experience from witnessing their parents splitting up.
You will undoubtedly save a lot of money
When you go through a traditional divorce, be prepared to spend a lot of money on legal and lawyer fees, court costs and other expenses that will come up during the process. Amicable divorces are a much more affordable alternative since you do not have to go to court and pay for an expensive divorce lawyer to fight for your interests.
A good saying to keep in mind is “the more peaceful a divorce, the less money you’ll spend“. It goes without saying that in the legal world, every problem tends to cost more money. As such, an amicable divorce helps minimize discord and inherently will save money for the parties involved.
You can maintain a lot more of your privacy
Going through a divorce involves highly personal affairs and information of the parties involved. By choosing an amicable divorce over going to court, you can keep all agreements you make private since you do not have to file them in court.
Conversely, if you go through a “classic” divorce in court, all your affairs that have been filed with the court will be available to the public. This means your private life is on the public record, an outcome I think most would agree is not desirable.
You get to choose the outcome you want, rather than someone else
If you choose to go to court for your divorce, this means you are putting yourself at the mercy of someone else’s decision as to what will ultimately happen to all the marital assets and your kids (if applicable). Worded differently, this means someone else will decide what happens to your personal affairs and family rather than what you want.
Not only that, no outcome can ever be guaranteed when a matter is decided in court. This could mean that someone else makes the decisions for you, and you may not get the result you’d hoped for. An amicable divorce puts the power in the hands of the parties, and you can choose what will happen to your affairs.
The healing process is facilitated
During a “classic” court divorce, parties tend to be fueled by high emotions, and there can be little sense of cooperation. This does not foster an environment for the parties to look to the future and heal from the hurt and sadness they are feeling from the divorce.
An amicable divorce forces you to work together with your ex-spouse and come to a mutual agreement. This sense of teamwork and cooperation is ideal for helping both parties think about the future beneficially and logically. By doing so, the next chapter of both your lives starts on the right foot, which can have a dramatically beneficial effect on any children you may have. Remember, the children will most likely still be involved in the ex-spouse’s life. Therefore, if there is a functional and respectful post-marriage relationship between the divorcing parents, the kids will be the real winners, which is what any parent should ultimately want.
What Should You Do to Get an Amicable Divorce?
It is not an easy task to go through an amicable divorce. Usually, when a couple is divorcing, it is because there are disagreements of some sort. This means that to work together to reach an agreement that mutually satisfies both spouses, you’ll need to look past these differences and look at the bigger picture. Here are a few ways to facilitate an amicable divorce:
Do not try to place the blame on the other person
The difficulty of restraining yourself from blaming the other for the end of the marriage will inevitably vary depending on the circumstances of each divorcing couple. Perhaps one spouse committed adultery, and the other spouse blames them for breaking up the marriage. Although this attitude is understandable from an emotional and human perspective, it will not help when it comes to an amicable divorce.
If you’ve reached the point where divorce is the only feasible option, it is wise to look to the future and not blame the other. All this will do is create more animosity and reduce the chances of an amicable divorce being successful. An amicable divorce is an exercise in sound and judicious thinking, which is certainly not easy but are required if you ever want to see success in reaching a mutual agreement.
Keep an open mind when negotiating an agreement 
If you attempt to negotiate with your ex-spouse, you have to be willing to make some concessions and have a good faith attitude. If you think you can go into a negotiation expecting to get everything you want, there is no point in proceeding with an amicable divorce. You must be willing to be forthcoming and transparent with all your personal information to do the negotiations accurately and fairly.
Understand that your ex-spouse will also need to make concessions and share all relevant information with you, so it is only fair that the same should be expected from you. Remember, you will be saving a lot of time and money by choosing an amicable divorce, so if it means agreeing to something that’s not exactly what you wanted, it is for the best in the long run.
The needs of children should always come first 
If kids are in the picture of your divorce, you must always put them at the forefront of your priorities. Your divorce agreement should focus on minimizing the disruptions in your children’s lives and maximizing their well-being. By deciding to proceed with an amicable divorce, you can plan out what is best for your kids with your ex-spouse so that there can be a peaceful transition from a household with married parents to having parents living separately. The benefits to your kids cannot be overstated when compared to a contentious court divorce.
Learn to forgive 
If you cannot forgive and move forward from the past, old wounds will never heal properly. An amicable divorce is supposed to reduce tension and hostility between you and your ex-spouse to make the future easier for both of you and your family. By dwelling in the past and not forgiving, you will only make yourself suffer longer, and the benefits of an amicable cannot be truly realized.
We can all agree that divorce is never easy. It’s even more difficult when it becomes a matter of spending your hard-earned money on expensive lawyers or battling in court for months before you see an end to the proceedings. If this is something you’re interested in avoiding, then consider the various advantages of an amicable divorce and how it can save you precious resources such as time and money, all the while being much less stressful and the best option for any kids that are going to be affected by your divorce. At Tailor law, we are proud to be collaborative family lawyers in Mississauga. Learn how our divorce lawyers in Mississauga and Toronto can help you.