Today, no one wants to sacrifice his/her self and personal fulfillment on the altar of the couple ties. So you are not alone if you are living separately and apart from your spouse and you wonder if you could still be referred to as a couple.
You may have also heard of couples who love each other yet choose to live separately and apart, and you do not understand how they do it.
If you love someone, how do you decide to live separately and apart instead of opting to share every moment?
Well, love is hard to come by, and finding a person you can share the same space with peacefully can be even harder. Living in bliss is not all that it is cut out to be. Sure you get to cuddle up together every night, but those days can sure be trying as your partner may want thing their way, and you want them yours. All the same, you and your partner may live separately apart and be considered a couple.
Living apart as a couple is characterized by living a separate life: the couple takes care of the right to no longer be in a relationship. This way of life is typical of the modern generation, responds to individualistic values and the social injunction of “be free and be yourself.”
Below are some good reasons why so many couples are opting to live separately and apart. Perhaps it may turn out to be the best option for your romance.
Excellent for activating desire
Couples living apart guarantees independence and assertiveness. A couple’s life tends to become better because each spouse has the opportunity to have his own psychic space. Living in different places may help to preserve it better. Many couples living apart explain that they need solitude, space to devote to self. No couple has the same daily responsibilities and the same concerns.
How can these couples reconcile distance and love? How do they manage to think of themselves as both autonomous and unconstrained individuals and partners concerned with the well-being and desires of others? According to research, autonomy does not bring fragmentation, but, on the contrary, regeneration of links.
The anticipations associated with this spur up desires. The simple fact of wondering when and where they will find themselves is enough to create an erotic dynamic. Intermittency also allows one to devote oneself fully to the other. The relationship is “cleansed” of domestic, material or family constraints. The distance softens the “return to earth,” past the passion phase of the beginnings. Non-cohabitation prevents familiarity from damaging romantic and sexual relationships. The absence of the other favors the imaginary, the fundamental element that nourishes desire. The self-esteem can also allow you to live without feeling too much torn between parenting and lover’s life. To distinguish the conjugal project from the family project is to “cajole a love that only looks at oneself.”
Interesting for blended families
Cohabitation can be difficult for couples in charge of children or for seniors who consider building a demanding union as irrelevant. Unless there is a financial problem, most people want to keep the independence we have gained during our celibacy.
Care must be taken not to imagine that non-cohabitation is the panacea of the couple or a cure for seizures. It is also rarely sustainable for couples having already lived together think that spouse separation will revive their union. We can live at a distance and experience the same psychic dependence, the same attachment, and the same alienation. This form of union demands being honest with oneself, and regularly asks the question: “am I truly comfortable living life without the other?”
A more imposed lifestyle than chosen
Nearly four million people love each other without sharing the same roof. 62% of non-cohabiting couples indicate that it is the circumstances that force them to live separately (mainly professional reasons). 20% said that they chose together this way of life, and 16%, that it is a decision taken by one of the partners. Among people who chose this situation, one out of two has the project of life together in the coming years. The birth of the first child is often the cause of installation in a single dwelling.
“I fully live my life as a lover and a mother.”
Corinne, 42, trainer, divorced, two children aged 12 and 14
“When I divorced the father of my children, after sixteen years of marriage, I dreamed of leading a life of free woman, dedicated to my children and my job. A year later, I met Andy. It was love at first sight. What a joy when he offered we live with him! But as the days went by, I felt him full of doubts. He loved my children but did not feel able to have them daily. I accepted his fears, and for my part, I realized that I had chosen Andy as a lover and not as a dad for my children. He is my great love, and this love is only alive for two.
Three years later, this relationship suits me: I live my life of mother and lover fully. I sleep with Andy twice a week, I take a shower at his house every morning once the children are at school, and half of my clothes are there. In the evening, I pass the kiss before going home. This situation also allows me to be a full mom: I am available, I monitor the homework of children, and I dine with them!
Sometimes I feel torn; my life is a constant back and forth. Andy has a house, while I have two. I would like to one day live in our house, the one we have chosen together. When my children will be autonomous and will need me less.”
For many “normal” couples, who live together permanently, this way of life or spouse separation to live apart maybe selfishness or a sign of lack of maturity. The men and women who share their love but not a common habitat are often accused of wanting to know only the good moments of life as a couple. This may not be the case. A couple may ensure to be more united than ever when a concern arises to manage.
Living in two apartments makes absolutely no difference to love. A couple remains a couple, even if they do not cohabit permanently.